Birthday

Haiz, 3 more days to my birthday, suppose to be looking forward to it, but I have so many things on my mind. ICt assignment, podcast, SMMT...

Was quite disappointed that cg didn even bother to celebrate my birthday for me. It sounds sad that I have to be thick skinned n ask ppl whether are they going to celebrate for me. Well thats the consequence of living in a reclusive life.

Today I fired Alvis, even b4 teaching him. First lesson and already changed twice, this kind of ppl really no hope. I just dont want to be so condemning, but I cant help myself. Dunno whats wrong with me... I given made Harry pay a penalty for changing lessons last min. Am I really very demanding?

When I look at the kids nowadays, they seem to have no semblance of honouring their word... Chuan shen also told me he likes to tease his teachers.. What if i am his sch teacher..lol. Somehow I miss teaching, but I dunno why I cant pluck out my courage to even present properly for QCE 520.. Still stammering.. but why I can scold ppl wo stammering... Is it a confidence issue?

Am I really very emotional? After 25 years, I dun even have any friends that celebrate birthday with me? N i even have to cheekily ask my students to celebrate... Am I really a good teacher? or Am I a pseudo?

Sometimes I think I am like stuck in my youth. Have so many 'friends' on facebook, for what? no one ever remembers me? when people need you, they remember you. When they dont need you. they cant be bothered of your existence.

Friendship is like a plant that needs constant attention and time. But can I afford to spend time pruning it. I have so many things to juggle. My life has become monotonous, sch, tuition, exercise, TV, sleep. NO time for recreation at all. I always push myself by saying suffer now, enjoy later, enjoy now suffer later.. But whats the use of enjoying alone. Sigh.

Maybe I should really change cg. Chuan shen n Eugene treats me so well. at least I feel that I am recognised for my presence. In my cg, I made my fridays free, for what.. then they change to sat.. Isn it the same as my tuition kids? Cant stick to a schedule. I really dun like it.

Think I should be sleeping early, tmr still have so many things to do. Watching a movie with the current sec 5s.. have to finalise my podcast, and read miss ng's notes..

Whats the point of being a withdrawn Good student in miss ng's eyes.. God, I really need to break out of my shell. I must dare to speak.

I just got this feeling I am the most caring teacher, but the school doesnt recognise that, n forfeited the prize money coz i am in NIE now.. well, thats just my conjecture. But am I nice only for recognition?

I feel quite sad that Eugene cheaw is still angry with me. Well maybe its a lesson for me not to be so kpoh in ppl's lives. There is a fine line between caring and kpoh.

Going to sleep soon.