Haiz, 3 more days to my birthday, suppose to be looking forward to it, but I have so many things on my mind. ICt assignment, podcast, SMMT...
Was quite disappointed that cg didn even bother to celebrate my birthday for me. It sounds sad that I have to be thick skinned n ask ppl whether are they going to celebrate for me. Well thats the consequence of living in a reclusive life.
Today I fired Alvis, even b4 teaching him. First lesson and already changed twice, this kind of ppl really no hope. I just dont want to be so condemning, but I cant help myself. Dunno whats wrong with me... I given made Harry pay a penalty for changing lessons last min. Am I really very demanding?
When I look at the kids nowadays, they seem to have no semblance of honouring their word... Chuan shen also told me he likes to tease his teachers.. What if i am his sch teacher..lol. Somehow I miss teaching, but I dunno why I cant pluck out my courage to even present properly for QCE 520.. Still stammering.. but why I can scold ppl wo stammering... Is it a confidence issue?
Am I really very emotional? After 25 years, I dun even have any friends that celebrate birthday with me? N i even have to cheekily ask my students to celebrate... Am I really a good teacher? or Am I a pseudo?
Sometimes I think I am like stuck in my youth. Have so many 'friends' on facebook, for what? no one ever remembers me? when people need you, they remember you. When they dont need you. they cant be bothered of your existence.
Friendship is like a plant that needs constant attention and time. But can I afford to spend time pruning it. I have so many things to juggle. My life has become monotonous, sch, tuition, exercise, TV, sleep. NO time for recreation at all. I always push myself by saying suffer now, enjoy later, enjoy now suffer later.. But whats the use of enjoying alone. Sigh.
Maybe I should really change cg. Chuan shen n Eugene treats me so well. at least I feel that I am recognised for my presence. In my cg, I made my fridays free, for what.. then they change to sat.. Isn it the same as my tuition kids? Cant stick to a schedule. I really dun like it.
Think I should be sleeping early, tmr still have so many things to do. Watching a movie with the current sec 5s.. have to finalise my podcast, and read miss ng's notes..
Whats the point of being a withdrawn Good student in miss ng's eyes.. God, I really need to break out of my shell. I must dare to speak.
I just got this feeling I am the most caring teacher, but the school doesnt recognise that, n forfeited the prize money coz i am in NIE now.. well, thats just my conjecture. But am I nice only for recognition?
I feel quite sad that Eugene cheaw is still angry with me. Well maybe its a lesson for me not to be so kpoh in ppl's lives. There is a fine line between caring and kpoh.
Going to sleep soon.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Crossroads
My 3rd blog in my life, hopefully it sounds more optimistic than the first 2. I am at the crossroads of my life. Should I appeal to teach in CTSS, should I return to PSS, or should I just let God decide.
Sigh. The workload in NIE is starting to get ridiculous. 2 Test, 2 essays due this month alone. N its my birthday & CNY this month.
Sometimes I should learn how to let go, my students arent the same as they used to be. My sec 5s are all going to venture out into their new instituitions, n I cant be emo that I am not teaching at PSS anymore. Life has to move on. NIE is really nothing compared to the times spent in the classroom. The fun I reminisce, the torture I went through trying to get the P classes to shut up. Life seems more monotonous now.
Eugene is still ignoring me. Well, do I always have problems mixing with Eugene's my life. First is my ex-tuition kid, gave him birthday present, then he ignored me. Now this Eugene. not only Eugene, Jonathan's also, somehow now i seem to shudder knowing another Jonathan, coz all those in my lives were ungrateful & somehow made use of me one way or another.
Another crossroad in my life is cg, should i change cg. It seems that people dun even give a hoot about me in cg. Why is it I can clique with my students & not cg ppl? Should I change to Eugene's cg..lol.. he is the only eugene that seems fine.
What I do not like is ppl in cg living in delusion, they say the cg is growing, ya right. U dun grow when u transfer ppl over.. that is not called growing, that is called stealing..Seems quite ironic that now, no one wants to reach out to my kids anymore, its quite tiring if i have to be their play mate every week. Now it seems I made the right decision to let chuan shen join another cg, seeing how much he has grown really brightens up my day also.
Maybe I should just concentrate on being a good teacher, to my current tuition kids, n also be a good student teacher at nie. If they dun want to reach out, so be it. n I really think I will change cg after my birthday, should at least get a birthday gift first, after giving so much cg fund. lol..
Well last year, 2 of my students did so well, HS appeared on newspaper, andy was top in the whole level. Jonathan was a let down again, maybe next time i will not teach anymore jonathans.
Time to head back to studying..zzz.life is quite boring without L4D2..
Sigh. The workload in NIE is starting to get ridiculous. 2 Test, 2 essays due this month alone. N its my birthday & CNY this month.
Sometimes I should learn how to let go, my students arent the same as they used to be. My sec 5s are all going to venture out into their new instituitions, n I cant be emo that I am not teaching at PSS anymore. Life has to move on. NIE is really nothing compared to the times spent in the classroom. The fun I reminisce, the torture I went through trying to get the P classes to shut up. Life seems more monotonous now.
Eugene is still ignoring me. Well, do I always have problems mixing with Eugene's my life. First is my ex-tuition kid, gave him birthday present, then he ignored me. Now this Eugene. not only Eugene, Jonathan's also, somehow now i seem to shudder knowing another Jonathan, coz all those in my lives were ungrateful & somehow made use of me one way or another.
Another crossroad in my life is cg, should i change cg. It seems that people dun even give a hoot about me in cg. Why is it I can clique with my students & not cg ppl? Should I change to Eugene's cg..lol.. he is the only eugene that seems fine.
What I do not like is ppl in cg living in delusion, they say the cg is growing, ya right. U dun grow when u transfer ppl over.. that is not called growing, that is called stealing..Seems quite ironic that now, no one wants to reach out to my kids anymore, its quite tiring if i have to be their play mate every week. Now it seems I made the right decision to let chuan shen join another cg, seeing how much he has grown really brightens up my day also.
Maybe I should just concentrate on being a good teacher, to my current tuition kids, n also be a good student teacher at nie. If they dun want to reach out, so be it. n I really think I will change cg after my birthday, should at least get a birthday gift first, after giving so much cg fund. lol..
Well last year, 2 of my students did so well, HS appeared on newspaper, andy was top in the whole level. Jonathan was a let down again, maybe next time i will not teach anymore jonathans.
Time to head back to studying..zzz.life is quite boring without L4D2..
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